Can't We Calm Down and Get Along?

Ok, so first of all, I understand that saying "calm down" rarely calms people down, but I figured it was the kind of title that would get people to read this.

Social media is often used as an outlet for people to put out their opinions, reactions, and rants on various subjects, and DeviantArt is no exception. I've seen a number of these posts get misconstrued and often turn into much unnecessary drama simply because everyone didn't just calm down and think. I myself have been in such situations and been some of those people. This is a general PSA in the hopes of alleviating drama and in the hopes that we all may get along better.

Here is the situation I often see:

• Person A writes or creates an often opinionated and perhaps controversial post.
• Person B sees said post and is upset by it and writes their own post. Person B just wants to put out their opinion on a similar topic. They are not trying to target or point fingers at Person A, they just want to speak their piece.
• Person A doesn't see it that way and thinks a that person B is attacking them specifically.
• Persons A and B may argue with each other and may create subsequent posts more directly addressing the other person and actually attacking them.
• Then persons C, D, and E (and many more) who are friends, supporters, and followers of A and B, or just passerby, start taking sides and start attacking persons A and/or B.

Does this situation sound familiar to anyone else? Because it's happened to myself and my friends a lot.

This whole A, B thing may be a little confusing, so I'll give a couple of personal experiences for further clarification and to provide examples.

Example 1:
A facebook acquaintance of mine (Person A) once put up a post about having eaten shark fins. I studied as a Conservation Biologist in college and took a class specifically on the fishing industry and learned some of the horrors of shark finning and the damage it does to the oceans. I decided to write a post on the subject (Person B) on Facebook that was meant to be a general PSA on shark finning. The fb acquaintance unfortunately took it as a specific attack on her and her culture and got really angry at me, replying in an insulting manner. I tried to explain that I wasn't trying to attack her (heck, I wasn't even aware of what country she was from). But at that point she had already made up her mind and didn't believe me. She was also upset that I made my own post and didn't' respond to hers specifically. I personally didn't feel the need to do so because I just wanted to write my own post and I was trying to not point fingers or call her out or anything, since I thought that was the more respectful thing to do. This situation luckily didn't involve any extra people (C, D, E) to add to the mess, but it ended in us unfriending each other.

Example 2:
My cousin (person A) recently put up a "blue lives matter" icon for his fb profile pic. My dad (person B), not knowing about my cousin's profile pic (because he's generally really bad at keeping track of other people on fb), ends up writing a generic statement supporting "black lives matter". My cousin thought my dad's post was about his new profile pic, and responded angrily to my dad's post. Then my dad's fb friend, including myself (Persons C, D, E etc) responded to my cousin. One of the fb friends ended up being very vulgar and insulting to my cousin. My cousin got angry at my dad and thought that he had his friends purposefully ganged up on him, since he didn't defend against the friend's vulgar statements. However what he didn't know was that my dad went camping and was away from any electronic devices for a few days. This lead my cousin to block both my dad and myself.

These are probably the more egregious examples that I've experienced, but I wanted to write some extremes up here, just to give an idea of how bad it can get. I understand there is a spectrum of responses to these things, and there are lesser extreme conclusions to these arguments. The problem is that these posts and comments often devolve into finger pointing and thoughtless name calling that could all be fixed if people just talked and listened, instead of arguing.

So here is what we can do:

To Person A:
I've personally never been in your situation, but I can understand the frustration of not having someone talk to you directly and leaving you out of the discourse. But please remember this, and I don't mean it in a snarky way, I mean it in a very literal way - It is not always about you. Maybe Person B is having a bad day, and they just need to write a cathartic rant to feel better. Writing stuff down or talking it out and having people read and listen is helpful for many people. Let them rant. Maybe Person B just wants to give their opinion on the topic as a general post and doesn't feel the need to involve you. This is often Person B's way of being respectful, since they don't want to call you out specifically. Maybe Person B was completely unaware of your initial post and their's happens to be talking about a similar topic. Either way, don't jump to conclusions and lash out. Read carefully and consider whether the topic is specifically about you or not, or even if the person is trying to point fingers especially if the post is attempting to be anonymous. Furthermore, be aware of what you post and try not to have your own posts targeted at specific people or groups.

To Person B:
Likewise be aware of what you post. Don't target specific people. Don't attack Person A. If the post comes from a feeling that you felt while reading Person A's post and you truly don't want to insult or involve them, then try to remove all hints that it could be them, so no one else does the finger pointing. I've made this mistake before by not being anonymous enough and it can turn out badly and come across as passive aggressive. If person A is a close friend or someone you feel you can talk to, then maybe talk to them about it first.

To Persons C, D, E, etc.:
I've been you, too. To the ones' reading A and B's posts. Don't jump to conclusions. Be informed. Sometimes I see the worst insults and the most hurtful statements from random readers when maybe Person A and B were being relatively civil. Be aware of the situation and see both sides. Maybe A and B were just misunderstanding one another. Don't get wrapped up in that misunderstanding. Make sure you know the whole story before picking sides. In fact, don't forget that siding with both people, or being against both people, or having a separate opinion are options, too. Try to keep an open mind and keep the conversation from devolving into a he-said-she-said-they-said war.

As one may suspect, this post is due to things I've seen happen on DeviantArt, but it's an issue that I've seen on many social media sites. I'm not trying to point fingers, since this is something we could all improve upon. I've been part of the issue at times myself. I hate drama and I hate being part of it, so I hope this journal can be taken to heart to alleviate or prevent future problems.

To be clear, I'm not discouraging anyone from posting their opinions or rants or whatever. This is the internet and we are all humans. People are going to have differences of opinion. People are going to make mistakes and hurt others, often without meaning to. So something we can all do is be respectful and mindful of that. Give others the benefit of the doubt. Maybe we agree on more things than we disagree.

I have decided to write all this on DeviantArt specifically because, I'd like to think that this site has a bit more potential to listen. DeviantArt is a place for creation and artist support, not a place of destruction or to tear people down. Let's try and put that idea into practice in how we treat each other on this site. Support others, put yourself out there, give constructive criticisms, but don't name-call or bring people down.

If you've read all this way, I thank you. If you haven't this will just be another random person putting out another random opinion on social media.

Either way, I hope you have a great day.